Anger management

My awesome friend, Lisa (owner of Fayetteville Pilates and Barre), asked me the other day why I bake and cook so much. Besides the obvious - in a British accent - "Oh, darling, don't you know I am a single, 20-something girl who lives by herself? It makes sense!" I responded that I just have a lot of time. Which- don't get me wrong. I am taking like a ridiculously light load of classes for my last semester. 

I don't know my exact reasoning for how much baking/cooking I have done in the last months.  But, I have a pretty good guess.  I think it is how I have been able to handle the changes in my life. I think it is what I do when I get upset about Sammy. (wow....I haven't said that in a while) 

Being in the kitchen...it distracts me. It leads me to prayer. A lot. I find myself browning some meat, or dicing and onion and breaking into song and prayer. Some of that may just be that I do, once again, live alone and can sing and run around naked if I want.  Baking makes me feel like I can be domestic. Which-if you know me- isn't something I necessarily dreamed about as a child. Being in my 5x7 kitchen (okay, I'm really bad with measurements but I do know that is a picture frame size. Which, yes, is how small my kitchen is) is an outlet. Being in my kitchen is an outlet for my anger. Well...that only took me half a page to get out the truth. I've been to confession a lot lately, #catholicgirlproblems, because I am just plain ol' mad sometimes. Have you seen "Diary of a Mad Black Woman?" The main character says my feelings perfectly.  "I'm not bitter. I'm mad as hell."  Wait, rephrase.  I was bitter. Then I was mad. Now, I just am disappointed.  And hurt. (I get nauseated- literally today I had to sit down- when I see a picture on facebook of my ex and his girlfriend.) Oh, hell. I'm still mad. But, I think I take that anger out on my cutting board. On my cast iron skillet. I brown those onions to the best of my ability. I make sure the noodles are cooked "al dente." I have made more peanut butter oatmeal chocolate chip cookies in the last month than you would think possible. 

After my parents got divorced, I went to counseling. Duh, everyone and their mom goes to counseling- I highly recommend it (as in I know what marriage counselor I will use one day. NO, not you, Dr. Phil.) But, apparently at the young age of 5, I had a lot of anger. At this point, if you are still reading, you're thinking "I didn't need to know all of this about you, homegirl.  Like, I would scratch walls and yell kind of anger problems.  I wasn't necessarily violent. So, I colored pictures of how I felt. And now my sweet, sweet mother has these chicken scratch drawings framed. So, yes. Having an outlet for my emotions is a good thing. 

Let's get some things clear: I do not have anger management problems. Instead, I cook. I didn't say I eat a hell of a lot of the food I make, but I try to not let it go to waste.  I bake. I make bran muffins. Whatever I can find....so that is all for now.  

Thanks for coming 'round, 2012!

According to the Mayan calendar, we're not supposed to be here. But I've definitely still got bills to pay, a floor to clean and cookies in the oven. 2011 was good. I can't complain. A big heartbreak but a lot of love from my God, family and friends. A summer in D.C., a marriage, a big step of independence in living in Fayetteville, and a big boost in my relationship with Christ. Hope your Christmas was as relaxing as mine turned out to be. I am so truly thankful for the holiday break. Not for the time off of school, but for the time with family.  Mom and I had a few days together.  I loved it.  It might have been scary for the city of Tulsa, at times, though.  We laughed. We laughed.  We laughed so very hard.  Mom now has this laugh when she can't catch her breath that sounds like a dog panting. Mom, if you're reading this, that wasn't an insult.  Christmas was truly about CHRIST this time around. It was so nice to focus on the meaning and not the gifts or anything. Mom and I went to the children's mass on Christmas eve night. We got there a little early- which is a good thing. But we got there about an hour early.  Someone (cough cough) thought mass started at 5:30....yaaa but we saw all the kids and their nativity scene which was great. 


 Onto Christmas morning....Madalyn took over Mom's tradition of Christmas morning brunch.  Ya, you can say it, she's definitely a married woman.  She's hosting family brunches now.  

Zeussss got a new toy! Dinosaur!! 

 Next year there will be a baby on that table...
It's a Barker tradition that the youngest grandkid gets to open presents on the pool table. 

They are starting to look just like Papa Joe...

Probably my favorite gift from Christmas.
It's a Tulsa tea towel- all the top places in Tulsa! Thanks Uncle Mark! You da, you da best! 

Cuties... 

62 years strong...and they still got it! 

Olzawski. Glad I didn't have to spell that growing up.  

Brag moment: Something I love about my family...both the Barker and Olzawski side hang out together during the holidays.  That doesn't happen when all families split. Ya...I'm blessed.

Mom got both Maddie and I got vintage pearl necklaces...mine has two verses.
 Jeremiah 29, Psalm 139, and a birds nest for Matthew 6.

Maddie got one with her and Clem's birthstones! 

My Aunt Terri. We used to have "Aunt Terri days" when we were younger.
 They were the best days of my life. 

The best dog....Barley!! With Aunt Sue. 

Santa House Fudge

This is a super easy and great recipe for fudge for the Christmas season! If you expect a gift from me on sweet baby Jesus' birthday...expect this along with a recipe card. You think I'm joking. Santa House was a Christmas market in Tulsa that I grew up going to as a little naked child. As we have discussed before, Mom did put clothes on me, I just didn't like them. I felt claustrophobic. Or something along those lines. Backkkkk to the original topic- Santa House was wonderful...any trinket, any ornament or food dealing with Christmas was there. It was this old house that Junior Philharmonic put up every year. Mom was part of Junior Phil and still has great friends from the group. One of which, Brooxie, gave us this picture of Madalyn, Mom and me from Santa House back in the day. Mom still has those Santa star earrings...they are great. And by great, I mean I wear them with my tacky Christmas sweater.

It's not the best picture,
because I was taking a picture of the picture....
I'll scan later.

Katie and I made this fudge along with an AWESOME red velvet brownie recipe that you can find HERE. Obviously this was post wedding....or wait. We both have weddings coming up in the spring so...I guess we start up the wedding diet once again. I feel like this will be a constant in my life for the next five years...oh, to be in your early twenties and living in the South. Santa House Fudge recipe can be found at the bottom. Much easier to print that way.

We did so much Christmas this day...which she LOVES.

Red Velvet Mix. Scrumptious.

Cream cheese icing....only thing I would change about the recipe.
Put the cream cheese in layers...
like put half the red velvet mix,
then add cream cheese,
then layer more red velvet,
then put on more cream cheese.

If you didn't notice from above...I kind of love cream cheese.
This swirling effect was super easy--and gosh darnit, I am proud of the final product.
Super easy with the tip of a knife.

Meag's little friend, Dax who she was sitting that day, helped up out in the kitchen.
Dax is precious. Quite the gentleman, too. His manners are phenomenal.

This is the sugar, butter and evaporated milk. Definitely use a big pot- a sauce pan won't do.

Something we figured out...
Not necessary to zap and melt chocolate before you add in the sugar mix.
The boiling mixture will probably melt the chocolate...

Put on a pan and freeze! It makes a TON!

I'm really proud of this wreath that I made....SO EASY. I went into Hobby Lobby with the intention of making a burlap wreath. Welp, that didn't happen. So, I just got a branch wreath, added gold wrapping, then some pinecones, and those red berries from the fake flower department. All you need is a glue gun.
Who knew that the real simple magazine would be part of my decoration? These gold stars are old old old hand me downs from my dad and stepmoms Christmas decorations.

So...we had a ton of leftover pinecones from the wedding. Thus, pinecone vases galore!

Here is the recipe for the fudge!

Mix together:

1 16 oz chocolate bar- broken into small pieces

1 pint marshmallow cream

3 cups semi sweet chocolate chips

1 tsp vanilla

1 cup chopped nuts (it's your preference)

We melted the chocolate all together in the microwave. It really doesn't matter if you do that, but it is much easier to mix if all the chocolate is melted before you mix. The mix you put on the stove will probably melt all the chocolate...either way is good.

In a big pot over medium heat, bring the following ingredients to a boil for 6 minutes.

4.5 cups of sugar (wowza)

1/3 stick of butter

1 12 oz can of evaporated milk.

Mix in with the chocolate..then put on pan. Freeze and enjoy!

The Most Beautiful Day.

I do realize I haven't blogged in a while. Life, family and school has kept me super busy. 
Madalyn's wedding was beautiful. Literally have never seen my sister so very happy! 

The happy couple. 

The rehearsal dinner had some great food...and some sweet babies! 

Remember the post about my brother, Tom?
We had the best time together.  He works for Bacardi.
Needless to say, he introduced me to so many new drinks.  

Barker family.  Shouldn't have worn a white bra with a black dress.
Thanks to my good friend, Allison for letting me borrow the LBD.  

Our good family friend, Diane Ornelas, decorated for the rehearsal dinner.
LOVE HER.

Ain't he adorable in this chocolate brown suit? 

The crew, tying the bows.  Katie, Kat, Nat and Heather came to Tulsa.  So glad they were there there to help celebrate the big day! 

The girls put all the bows on the chairs.  It took some time, but the chairs looked fabulous.
Watch out for the wedding planning company, SWAG, to come to a bridal event near you.  

Is she not so cute? 

It got hot during the rehearsal dinner, so Liv took off her clothes.   

Chloe was a great flower girl!  

Livvi. 

I love this picture.   

Seessstersss. 

Family time on the trolley. 

Rhett, Madalyn and Clem. 

My favorite picture of the night.

I love the new addition to our family. Clem is a welcome joy to our lives! 

Something you might not know...

It just occurred to me that not a lot of people know about my foreign exchange student, Tom.  When I was a young lad, more like when I was four years old, my family took in a foreign exchange student from Poland.  His name is Tom Kobus.  When I say we "took him in" it wasn't like he was drifting among the hills of Oklahoma looking for a place to live.  My parents put in the request for a Polish kid- he was 16 at the time- because my mom's family is super Polish.  Her maiden name is Olzawski.  Coincidentally, Tom is my Grandpa Olzawski's name, too! 
Tom is my brother in every way possible.  He lived with us for two years because if he went back to Poland, his high school credits that he completed in Oklahoma would not be accepted..Or something like that.  Something else very cool...Madalyn and I are six years apart...Tom and Madalyn are six years apart....and Tom and I have the same birthday so that makes us EXACTLY 12 years apart.  Legit, right? 


I wasn't involved in this conversation. I was naked, running in the front yard. That's just a guess, though. 


Point is, Tom is coming for Madalyn's wedding! I am so excited I can hardly wait! One of my favorite memories is when my parents were out for the night and Tom was supposed to watch Madalyn and me.  I was, Lord knows, naked and running through the halls in our first house.  Madalyn was trying to catch me and Tom was trying to corral us to bed.  Tom got me on his shoulders, and as we ran down the upstairs, I hit all the fire alarms.  It was cool to do that, right? No.  Not really.  


Anyways, Tom has two little boys now and a beautiful wife, Jill.  I wish I could post some pictures of when we were all younger on here, but those are at home in Tulsa.  I got an email saying he would be arriving in Tulsa on Thursday before Madalyn's wedding.  The last time I saw him was when I was in high school in New York.  He had a baller job with some company in the city.  He is a genius.  


Here are some pictures from the shower Aunt Lori and I threw this weekend in Tulsa. 

The game. One "wedding or marriage" word with each hour of the day. 

The petifores. 

Barker girls.

Champagne in a can! Genius! 

Grandma Olzawski gets her every time.  This is one of Dede's, our great grandmother (and who I am named after, Edith Patton)  baskets.  

The waterworks. One of the Olzawski Christmas heirlooms passed down! 

Only four weeks until the big day.  I cherish my sister a little more everyday.  

Where did time go?

I haven't had the chance to talk about the wonderful time I had when my mom, Merydith and Max came to visit! I'll let the pictures do the talking..











Ford's theater where Lincoln was assassinated.




4th of July parade on Constitution Avenue. Pretty patriotic!




Fireworks at Washington Harbor.



D.C. will eventually be my home- one day. Love this town. Also- here are some pictures of the Washington Cathedral.











Oh, yeah...did I mention I met Newt?